Welcome to soma-psyche.com!
Dr. Jennifer Tantia, PhD, LCAT
  • HOME
  • What is Somatic Psychotherapy
    • So, how does it "work"?
  • FAQ
  • About Jennifer
    • Recent Speaking Engagements
    • Video: Dance/movement Therapy for Treating Anxiety
    • Books and Chapters
    • Credentials
  • Contact
  • Somatic Supervision
  • Meditation
  • Authentic Movement
    • Authentic Movement Sessions
  • BLOG

Reverence

5/9/2025

0 Comments

 

I used to have a psychotherapy office on 40th Street in Manhattan, at the bottom of Times Square. It wasn’t my first location choice for a therapy office, but the rent was right for my needs. Over time it grew on me and I became accustomed to the grunginess of it while appreciating the feel of the crowded noisy streets in contrast with my quiet, yet warehouse-like office in the back of the building.

Many days I would go outside to grab a coffee around 3pm to break up the day and get ready for evening clients. As you might imagine, there were several places to choose from; Starbucks, Gregory’s, The Boulangerie, Paris Bakery, Au Bon Pain, and of course, a smattering of delis.

My favorite place was a deli across the street. Modest, clean and basically no different from any of the other delis in the area, except for the man making the coffee. He was an Asian man, perhaps in his 60’s; a little older than the other folks I usually see behind a deli counter. I would present the same order each time; “Hi-small regular with half a sugar, thanks”. He knew the New York slang and from my frequent visits probably knew what I was going to say as soon as he saw me. He would quietly turn around, make the coffee, carefully wrap a napkin around the cup, and hand it to me with two hands. I would take it with two hands, as I have learned that this is a gesture of common respect and politeness in Korean culture. But then, something incredible would happen. He would bow to me.

The first time he did it, I was shocked and felt a little giddy and embarrassed…talking to myself all the way back to my office. What do I do with this? Should I bow back? That’s weird, because I’m some American white lady. Would that be insulting to him? Why is he bowing? It’s just coffee!

But there was a feeling inside me- underneath the “should” of my intercultural etiquette conundrum, and beyond the embarrassment…I felt a warmth and a respect in my body. The coffee somehow tasted better than other coffee in the area, and I felt a sense of peace and wholeness that was both strange and familiar. My mind was racing, while my body felt so seen- so connected to this beautiful human being at the deli.

Each time I would go back, I planned to bow back, but several times chickened out. My intellect jumped in again, and said something like, “He probably does that with everybody out of habit,” and “It would just be weird for you to bow when it’s not in your culture’s gestural vernacular!”

I gave up trying and enjoyed his bow each time, feeling good about myself and started to leave a tip to compensate for my American sheepishness; “He was working, for goodness’ sake! This is his job! Leave a tip!” my guilt would say.
One day, I went in, ordered the coffee, received the cup, napkin, bow, and without thinking I bowed back. Immediately I felt this rush of incredible honor and respect for this man, and for his life. We were not strangers anymore – we were two people acknowledging a shared existence with an unspoken reverence that was meaningful.   

In returning respect to him, I felt as if I received again. That was fourteen years ago. Today I often find myself bowing to clients as they leave the office; not an intentional movement until I am in mid-bow, my body reminds me of what it means to show respect and actionable acknowledgement to another person. I enjoy seeing their reaction; some look embarrassed, some smile…and sometimes, every once in awhile…someone bows back. 

0 Comments

Look Further

10/18/2021

2 Comments

 
One day I was riding the subway. It was the end of the day, and I was exhausted and starving. I stood, barely hanging onto the pole in the middle of the car, desperate to sit down, and dreaming about what I was going to eat when I got home at the end of my 20 minute car ride. There was an incredibly obese man sitting down, and taking up two seats, and I watched as he devoured several bags of chips. One after another, they continually emerged from his enormous sweatshirt, and flowed into his mouth without a hiccup; the empty bags flowing equally form his mouth back into his sweatshirt pocket. He must have eaten about five bags of chips while my weary (hungry) ass stood watching.

Somehow, I saw his “heart” and my entire experience was different than it could have been. I could have been angry, and judge him for his body size that took up two seats (one of which I could have been sitting in). I could have judged the way that he ate horrific food, and didn’t take care of himself, or that he was violating the “no food and drink” rule on the subway. I could have been jealous that he got to eat while I was still so hungry, since I would have eaten my own arm if I could at that point. Instead, I saw his heart, and began to indulge in what I saw as his enjoyment of eating those chips. I fantasized about how great it would feel to have a great soft body that could simply take in all that salty greasy food, and how enjoyable it would be to eat five bags of chips at that moment.

​Suddenly, he reached down into the bag that was between his legs on the floor, and pulled out a two-liter bottle of soda. I must have been staring at him, because it was then that I realized that he was looking straight at me. He smiled and said, “Those little bottles just aren’t enough for me.” I began to laugh, and he laughed, and we both just laughed together for a few minutes in the middle of a crowded New York City subway. Even as I write this, I can’t help but giggle. As he stood up to leave the subway car, he touched my shoulder and said, “You have a beautiful day, now, alright?”
            I already was.
2 Comments

Ten Tips for Getting the Most Out of Your Therapy*

2/24/2015

5 Comments

 
Give Yourself Time: We call it a therapy hour but it's only 50 minutes. Get your money's worth by arriving 10 minutes early to catch your breath, collect your thoughts and prepare for your session.

Business First: Take care of payment, scheduling and insurance questions at the start of the session. Nothing's more awkward than ending a session with a big revelation or emotional breakthrough followed by three minutes of check writing and calendar navigation. Get all those logistical issues out of the way at the beginning.

Forget the Clock: Show up early, but let the therapist be in charge of ending the session on time. You've got enough to think about during the session, the therapist can be responsible for wrapping up.

Make it Part of Your Life: Therapy works best when you take what you've learned and apply it to the rest of your week. Between sessions, notice areas in your life you'd like to explore. Maybe you'd find it helpful to engage in…

Relationship Next: Following those business items, issues regarding the relationship with your therapist (if there are any) come next. This could be anything - you're thinking about termination, you felt angry after the last session, you're worried what she thinks of you, you had a dream about her, etc. These relationship issues take top priority because they will impact all other areas of your therapy.

Say the Odd Thought: Therapy is one place where strange thoughts are acceptable. In fact, the odder the better. Have a sudden impulse? Say it. Flash to a certain memory? Talk about it. The phrase some things are better left unsaid doesn't apply here so speak freely and you might learn something interesting. 

What do I Want? How do I Feel? These two questions are home base for clients who feel stuck. If you find yourself lost and don't know what to talk about, revisit these questions and you're bound to find material to discuss.

Go Deeper: If you find yourself running through mundane details of your week or hitting awkward silences, maybe there's a deeper issue you're avoiding. Ask what it is you're not talking about and talk about it. Discuss what you're discovering about yourself. Take the time to explore who you are, what you feel and why you do what you do. Push beyond it is what it is or whatever and tackle some deeper questions. Try: "I wonder why I ___" or: "Deep down, I really feel ___".

Don't Fear the End: From the beginning, talk about when you'll know you're ready to leave therapy. Rather than cut and run, let therapy be one experience of a truly good ending. All good endings help heal prior bad endings…and help you to create better endings in the future!

*Borrowed from Ryan Howes, 2010


5 Comments
<<Previous

    Author

    Dr. Tantia is  a clinical psychotherapist who specializes in somatic approaches to therapy. In addition to thoughts and emotions, she helps her patients to identify and understand the somatic, or felt-sense of psychic healing.

    Archives

    October 2021
    February 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014

    Categories

    All

    RSS Feed